Go on, take the money and run

Now for the money. Money sucks and I hate dealing with it. I hate that I never seem to have quite enough and I hate that I spend too much, while I never seem to actually buy much of anything substantial. I hate hate HATE that I'm in credit card debt. I've made some mistakes financially and continue to pay for them little by little, often feeling as though I'm not making any progress. 

This year, I am looking to SAVE money. Right now, I have no savings to speak of, and I basically live paycheck to paycheck. Don't get me wrong, I realize we are in a recession and the majority of people are living just like I am or are worse off, but I'd like to take the  opportunity to really learn how to be conservative with my money and create some sort of cushion. There are a number of reasons for my wanting to do this: 

First, I m realizing little by little that I'm an adult. Yikes! I can't just be irresponsible any more and basically need to start getting my shit together if I want to have it easier later on. It sucks, but it's the truth. 

Second, I do not want to stay in NYC forever and therefore, I'll need money to make a move eventually. Unfortunately, this is sort of a catch-22 situation since New York is extremely expensive and it's very hard to put any money away while living here. But I'm going to do it even if it means that I hardly ever go out to eat and/or drink (sigh...) The positive thing about this is that it meshes well with the lifestyle changes I wrote about in my last post. If I'm going to eat healthier and more natural foods, it's much better for me to cook at home than to eat out anyway. Also, I know that the move out of the city that I eventually make will ultimately make it easier for me to save money since I'll be moving somewhere cheaper.

The problem is basically this: I am not good at dealing with money AT ALL. In the last year or so, I think that I've gotten increasingly better and more responsible, but the reality is that I'm still learning how to handle money. Every time I get paid, I still get this false sense of being rich although I know that about 80% of my check goes to rent and bills when all is said and done. 

So here's my plan: Before I go back to work next week, I want to set up a spreadsheet with all of my expenses and actually sit down and make a budget. I've made a budget before, but never on my own and I've never really stuck to one. I want to plan in advance what amount of money I should allow myself to spend on food, fun, etc. so that I'm not scrambling at the end of each pay cycle. Starting in February, I plan on setting up automatic bill pay for all of my monthly payments so that I won't have to worry about late fees anymore. (I can't do this yet because my company is switching the length of our pay cycle and I don't want to overdraw my bank account. I'll also probably decrease the minutes on my cell phone plan. 

Finally, I will take all of my credit cards out of my wallet and leave them somewhere safe in my apartment so that I'm not tempted to spend on anything unnecessary when I'm out. Although I don't like the idea of being without a backup, I think I follow through with the rest of my plan, I shouldn't need to use my credit cards anyway. 

So that's it. To be honest, I think of all the changes I'm trying to make, sticking to a strict budget might be the hardest for me, but I know I have to work hard to do it. This will mean really fighting the impulsive part of my personality (and the part that loves being served great food and drink...) but in the end I think it will all be worth it. 

Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start...

I'm so zen right now. Really the opposite if last night and the night before when I was so anxious, I couldn't sleep. This time of year, I always think a lot about who I've become in the last year and the person I want to be. I have some major changes to make in the next year, but I say that from a hopeful and self-accepting place rather than with a self-critical and negative attitude. In the last few months, I have made a number of decisions that have changed my life drastically. I exited an unhealthy long term relationship with a man and began a relationship I hope will grow stronger as time goes on with a beautiful woman. This change, although simplified here, involved me truly acknowledging my sexuality for the first time. My experience with self acceptance and essentially "coming out" has been, is now, and will continue to be an adventure that is exhilarating and liberating and some moments and terrifying and heartbreaking at others. 

While I plan on writing more about my sexuality in other posts, this post has a different theme, so I'll move on. My point, though I've taken a slight detour, is that I have already begun the process of feeling more comfortable in my skin. I have a number of steps I believe I must take to continue with this process. Here they are, but not before a short disclaimer: (I am a major nerd. I loved school and I miss studying. Because of this, I may write in outline form and/or site sources. Love it or leave it.) 

1. I will start taking better care of my body. This lifestyle change will occur on a number of levels: 

a. External: Aside from my topical prescription skin cream, I will not put anything mass-produced on my skin. Natural soaps and lotions make my skin feel beautiful without irritating it. If I'm able to afford it, I'd also like to begin integrating natural toothpaste and house cleaning products into the group of products I use now and maybe even phase out harsh or toxic products completely if possible. Now, for this planned change, I must give credit where credit is due. My lovely girlfriend, Napps, takes excellent care of her skin and has inspired me to do the same. We share an interest in living wholistically and I look forward to making this particular group of changes alongside her.  

b. Internal: 

i. Eating habits: I have had more than enough of my current eating habits. The bottom line is that I really do know better. That's it. As of next week, I am planning to stop eating meet and cut of a number of high fat dairy products as well. I will still eat fish and maybe even chicken or turkey on occasion, but the food I prepare and eat when I dine out with be meatless the majority of the time. I'd also like to stay away from mass-produced and processed foods in general, especially refined flour and sugar. With all of this said, I'm not planning on completely depriving myself of anything because that never works. I just want to make these changes a little at a time so that eventually I will stop making the poor choices I tend to make now. I'm looking forward to honing my vegetarian cooking skills. ( I will probably blog about food regularly because I LOVE to cook and eat.) 

ii. Exercise: I have a gym membership and I am going to use it 3 times a week at least. My body just feels (and of course looks) better when I work out. I'd like to be in good enough shape to run outside confidently when Spring comes. I have a potential workout partner and I'm hoping it will be a good match. Because of my crazy work schedule, I know I'll be more inclined to go to the gym if there's somebody depending on me to be there. My job often makes me want to hide under a rock and/or go home and collapse onto my couch in a defeated mess, so the extra pressure to be at the gym will be nice.

There's one more change I want to mention now that I'll write about in more detail later. I'm planning to change the way I think about and manage money. I have a lot to learn in this department and know that this will be a huge challenge. 

My hope is that working on all of these changes will help me to put the bigger things (i.e. What should I do with my life?) into perspective. I feel confident that I'll be able to do these things and excited that I'm about to begin.